Metacommunication Matters

From Breakdowns to Breakthroughs in Workplace Communication

Years ago, a friend shared something his therapist told him: “Every interaction is an opportunity for connection or disconnection.”

I think about that statement a lot.

In a recent facilitation with a nonprofit team, communication kept coming front and center even though it wasn’t the primary topic we’d planned to discuss.

In talking with members of this remote, asynchronous team, gaps in communication kept emerging. They weren’t only leading to breakdowns in communication about work itself, though. They were also leading to a sense of disconnection from one another.

It reminded me of research from The Gottman Institute, which found that the number one predictor of whether marriages last is how well couples responded to each others’ “bids for connection”—whether they consistently turn toward each other or, instead, turn away.

Despite this research focusing on personal relationships, I frequently see similar dynamics play out in the workplace. In this specific case, work-related messages that no one responded to were like bids for connection that went unacknowledged. The result? Disconnection among colleagues that led to disengagement.

Workplace communication is not only about exchanging information. It’s also about connecting and uniting colleagues to achieve shared goals. In fact, the word “communication” originates from the Latin word “communicare,” meaning to share, make common, join, or unite.

In our work, how do we feel after a conversation, exchange, or meeting? Do we feel a sense of connection, engagement and motivation? Do we feel like we’re on the same page with one another? Or do we feel a sense of disconnection, misunderstanding, or of feeling unheard or unmotivated?

We may be engaging in the act of communicating, but what are the outcomes? Do they tend toward connection or disconnection?

The Importance of Metacommunication

In this and other recent facilitations with clients, communication has emerged as a key area of focus and a topic of lively discussions. Team members have shared communication preferences and discussed gaps and expectations related to internal communications.

All of this has driven home for me the importance of metacommunication: the act of communicating about communication.

Metacommunication is most commonly defined as the non-verbal cues (e.g. tone of voice and body language) that accompany our verbal communication.

In the workplace, though, metacommunication can also refer to communication about how we communicate with one other.

Breaking it Down

To channel a sarcastic Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada: “Communication matters at work? Groundbreaking.”

Okay, like “florals for Spring,” it’s not groundbreaking to say that communication is foundational in the workplace. Most of us know that communication is essential and that breakdowns in communication can lead to wide-ranging problems.

Still, internal communications often presents challenges to leaders and employees alike. Communication structures, practices, and quality all determine whether communication within an organization leads to increased trust and collaboration, or whether it leads to breakdowns in these areas.

Communication structures contribute to breakdowns when…

1. There’s a lack of scheduled meetings, or it’s common to cancel meetings without rescheduling them.

2. Meetings take place, but agendas aren’t used or don’t include everything that requires communication.

3. There aren’t systems in place to close loops or follow through on what’s been decided.

Communication practices contribute to breakdowns when…

1. We don’t communicate:

   1. An employee has questions about a work assignment but doesn’t ask for help.

   2. A supervisor is frustrated with an employee but doesn’t talk to the employee about the issue.

2. We fail to close loops:

   1. An employee posts something in a Teams chat and no one responds.

   2. A manager says they’ll look into something and follow up, but they never do.

3. We use the wrong communication channels:

   1. A leader sends an email about something that’s complicated or sensitive (and more appropriate for a verbal conversation).

   2. Coworkers continue an email thread even when tensions are rising, instead of switching to an offline conversation to diffuse things.

Communication quality contributes to breakdowns when…

1. Communication is disrespectful:

   1. A leader denies, dismisses or minimizes employee concerns.

   2. Yelling or name-calling is normalized.

   3. Coworkers make assumptions instead of asking questions to understand.

2. Communication lacks clarity:

   1. Team members have a conversation, but walk away unclear about what was discussed.

   2. A manager thinks they’ve been clear, but hasn’t checked for understanding or documented agreed-upon next steps.

   3. Emails are unclear about what action is needed and who it’s needed from.

3. Communication lacks depth:

   1. An employee expresses frustration about something, but there is a deeper issue that’s unrecognized or unspoken.

   2. A manager doesn’t ask meaningful questions that could lead to identifying crucial support or development needs.

Examining communication challenges through the lenses of structures, practices and quality can help identify where development to internal communications may be helpful.

Breaking Through Communication Barriers

Communicating about communication, developing communication structures and defining communication norms help us clarify: how do we want to communicate in our organization?

Key questions to discuss include:

• What gaps exist in our internal communications?

• What are the outcomes of our approaches to internal communications, and do they align with our goals?

• What are our perspectives and preferences related to internal communications?

• What strategies do we want to experiment with to improve the flow of information and strengthen connection and trust in the workplace?

Communication at work is essential, sure, but so is communicating about communication. Engaging in metacommunication can take us from communication breakdowns to breakthroughs, leading to strengthened connection and trust that supports increased engagement and better outcomes.

We’re never going to be perfect in how we communicate, but opening up conversations about communication helps us get clear on what gaps and breakdowns exist, and how best to address them.

How does your organization communicate? How do you want it to?

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Culture Work partners with clients to strengthen their internal communications. Learn more here.

And in case you missed it, check out my 17-minute conversation with Jami Yazdani of Yazdani Consulting and Facilitation on the topic of Avoiding Burnout. Many thanks to Jami for having me as guest on her LinkedIn Live series and for highlighting such an important topic!